White Lies We Tell Our Children [VIDEO]

The holiday season is full of magic! But magic, of course, means deception. Are we deceiving ourselves?

My latest train of thought on the TEDx stage led me to some tough questions about my responsibilities as a father--specifically, as a father of white children in a racist society.

Let me know what you think.


  1. It is a nice talk about the "paternal" call... the stage were children need to start to separate from that safe place, where everything is provided for them and there is innocence ie the external uterus, Eden, the Shire... to the world that's not perfect, where there is pain, injustice where you have to become self-sufficient (you shall earn your bread!) but also where there is adventure and where you find out who you really are. The end of the "matriarchy", the good mother dies, the fairies disappear, to enter the patriarchy when they need to embark in the road of self discovery and develop self mastery and self discipline (a stage from which they will have to be born out too because patriarchy is castrating -Billy Elliot is a story about this second birth).
    If anything, it is a bit too theoretical. Telling them a different story is good but it is still a narrative. I do understand your point that privilege is invisible, but -you know- if your parents tell you "there are children that have nothing to eat" does not really cut it, you have to see it. I come from Argentina (a place that some Americans would refer to as a third world country), and lived in 4 other countries. It is a extreme journey but my children have experienced diversity first hand. They've been best friends with completely different people (from Kenia, Bangladesh, Mexico, Britain, US, Japanese, etc) and they come up with questions to understand why their lives are different (as your daughter did at the back of your car). I've caught my daughter asking an adopted boy how is it to be adopted (he replied "it's normal"), or listening to a Muslim girl why she cannot eat pork. In being friends, they are recognising each other as equals, even if at a different level their circumstances are not.
    Having said that, I cried hugged to my also crying daughter when I told her I was the tooth fairy. It is nice talk to reflect that in becoming parents we face our own shadows, our own fears, our anxieties and our lack. That it can be very tempting to leave children locked in a house covered in sweeties, where we -as parents- may feed from their innocence (we need to face our inner witch). What I like about Brave or Billy Elliot is that both the child and the parent are transformed by the journey.


Post a Comment